Mind Games Doggies Play with Humans
your humans give you a bath, DON'T LET THEM TOWEL DRY YOU! Instead, run to their bed, jump
up and dry yourself off on the sheets. This is especially good if it's right before your
2. Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put your ears back, tail
between your legs, chin down and act as if you have done something really bad. Then, watch
as the humans frantically search the house for the damage they think you have caused.
(Note: this only works when you have done absolutely nothing wrong.)
3. Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. When the humans try to
demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea
what they're talking about.
4. Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to pee, sniff around the entire yard
as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose to go pee will ultimately decide the
fate of the earth.
5. Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk, always pick the busiest, most visible
spot to go "poo". Take your time and make sure everyone watches. This works
particularly well if your humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.
6. When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every time a strange human
7. Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when playing fetch with the
humans. Make them go and chase it once in a while.
8. Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don't greet them at the door.
Instead, hide from them, and make them think something terrible has happened to you.
(Don't reaappear until one of your humans is panic-stricken and close to tears.)
9. When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time. Walk as slowly as
possible back to the door.
10. Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and make the humans
take you out for your morning pee. As soon as you get back inside, fall asleep. (Humans
can rarely fall back asleep after going outside. This will drive them nuts!)
11. Stare at the wall behind your human's head. Slowly tilt your head up, as if watching a
bug crawling behind them. They'll look over their shoulders then back at you, but don't
stop until they actually stand up and walk away from the wall. Then trot off to your
favorite spot and lie down, totally ignoring the wall.